White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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