I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
