One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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