Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
