I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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