That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
