you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
