no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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