Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
