As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
