her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
