She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
