so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love accidental penises.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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