i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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