I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
