it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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