Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
