Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
