just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
