Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
