I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
