I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
