I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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