At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
