and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
