Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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