Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
