tell your sister to shave her snatch
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
