Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
