i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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