I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
