that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
