What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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