There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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