Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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