I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
