We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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