I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
