All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
