i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
