I could have mohawked her pubes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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