I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just wanna soil my oats bro
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
