Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
