he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
