happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
