What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
