His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
