I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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