When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
