are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My ass is underappreciated
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
