do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
