I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
