I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
