and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
