I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
