if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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