Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
