if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
True college students do jello shots in the library
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